i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My life is pants optional.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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