do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
