so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
