yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
