I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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