I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
