I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
