I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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