True but thats because hes a fetus.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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