I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
