I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
