Where is the hickey?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
