I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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