Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
