I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
