This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
