none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
