A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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