3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
