I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
