Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
