What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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