Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
