HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
