Will you blow on my dice?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
