so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize