Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
