sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
