Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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