wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
