my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I've blown a few things in my day
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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