bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
