seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
