I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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