so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
