I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
