Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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