I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
