God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
