see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
