Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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