hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
