And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
