I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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