Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the day after is always just damage control
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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