How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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