I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
