My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
