I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
