please come you make the beer taste better
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
