Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
