So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
