So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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