This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
