Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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