That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
