Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
