I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
