yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
dude. I can hear the air.
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