Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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