Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
