Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
