i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
