Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
