i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
