He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
