Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize