I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
