This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
