i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
