It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
