6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
