I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
