I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
