He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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