Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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