Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
