babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
