Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
