if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
