Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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