I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
