ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
