i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
