Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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